Dear Aliza,

I recently went on a date with a guy. He was really sweet and smart, but I noticed that he was wearing a class ring from his undergraduate institution. He says he can’t take it off because his fingers have since become bloated. Is this a dealbreaker?

Sincerely,

LordoftheRing

Dear LordoftheRing,

The only people I know for whom it would be mildly acceptable to be seen wearing a school ring or a fashion ring of any variety are Mobsters, people from Staten Island, and Pharaoh. But even then, I’d still be concerned. Tell him that if he would like to continue dating you, you will be forced to cut off his finger. In general, I have a strict policy against man-jewelry. For future reference, I would like to take this opportunity to list items in order from Extremely Unacceptable to Not at All Acceptable:

1. hemp/shell necklaces
2. Livestrong bracelets
3. Ring (school, fashion, thumb, pinky)
4. Anklets (aka ankle bracelets—trust me, this is rare, but I’ve seen men wear these)
5. “Chai”/Star of David necklaces
6. Gold chains
7. Yin-Yang necklaces (http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11371516/Yin_Yang_Necklace.jpg)
8. Dog tag necklaces (http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/311uO5c91HL._jewelry-buying-guides_.jpg)
9. Motion sickness bracelets (http://s2.thisnext.com/media/130x130/F1EE5ECC.jpg)
10. Stress/Accupressure Bracelets (http://www.wise4living.com/jbracelet/images/q-ray-bracelet.jpg)
11. Tribal necklaces (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/313bokTYXkL.jpg)
12. Spiked chokers (http://www.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/ae/5/AAAAAvSvpioAAAAAAK5USg.jpg)

Tell this guy to stop being such a cheeserag.

-Aliza